The 10 commandments of the Cult of the Damned
by Tintenschwert
Summary: Every church has certain rules. Kel Thuzad´s now has too. Witness the 10 commandments of the Cult of the DamnedThe title is quite self explanatory, isn´t it?


**The Ten Commandments of the Cult of the Damned**

Disclaimer: I don´t own them. Kel Thuzad, the Cult, the scourge and everything else belong to Warcraft, Blizzard whatever. Deal with it.

This is for fun only, don´t be offended by it.

Summary: What was it exactly what Kel once said? "I´ve ever wanted to found a religion - so I did" Out of that came the idea that with a church (or sort of) come rules, like comandments. And here they are.

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ONE: '_You shall have no other gods before Nerz´hul._'

Ok, we know he´s technically not a god, but a church/cult without some freaky god to worship is pretty pathetic.

No, we won´t even consider asking the Burning Legion if they knew a better god.

Besides...would you prefer to worship some floating sceleton with frost powers/necromancy? Nah, he´s just the big boss here.

AND the next bloody acolyt to mutter "Everything for Ayur" is considered as a volunteer for cleaning the slaughterhouses. Period.

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TWO: '_You shall make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth._'

Actually we don´t care if you do so. Go on, paint a picture, sculpt something, be productive and creative..in your spare time, we got work to do. If it´s nice and pretty we will put it up in our ziggurat. But, the freedom of art is limitied here- If Kel thinks you made this to mock him, or it looks pathetic, you´re so screwed.

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THREE: '_You shall not take the name of Nerz´hul your God in vain._'

It makes no sense anyway. (no witty puns on that name or anything alike)

And you do good not using the name of Kel Thuzad in vain. (Frost bites).

Or the one of Arthas, the best friend of Kel (Kel is Arthas´only friend). He commands the Scourge. And can kill dreadlords. And he killed his own father. He´s a badass. Don´t make him mad.

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FOUR: '_Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy._'

Sabbath day is now Kel´s birthday, Arthas´birthday, Wintersolstice (cause Kel likes the name) and every Friday the 13th.

Besides, keeping it holy doesn´t mean a deay off, you should work extra hard to make it a good day for Kel. (Frost bites)

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FIVE: '_Honor your master._'

a.k.a. Kel Thuzad, Nerz´hul, Arthas and your superiors in cult/scourge...

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SIX: '_You shall murder._'

Yeah! Lots and lots of killing, many times and in great numbers. Actually kill anyone who crosses your path.

(Suicide is considered as an noble action, AFTER you´re not able to kill anyone else)

(Volunteering for shades is considered as suicide)

People you´re not allowed to kill:

- Kel

- Arthas

- Nerz´hul

- members of the Cult

- members of the scourge

- people Kel likes

- people Kel wants to kill himself

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SEVEN: '_You can commit adultery. Or anything alike._'

Actually we don´t care if you do.

One big advantage of memebership in the cult is absolute privacy. Do you really think Kel gives a damn what you do when you´re not working? As long as you stay out of his way, you´re theoreticfally free to do whatever you want.

Except your doing it with an member of Horde/alliance/potential powerful enemy

Or Kel´s girlfriend...when he has one

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EIGHT: '_You shall not steal._'

Except: lives of others (see 6), posessions of Cult/Scourge and Kel´s personal stuff

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NINE: '_You shall bear false witness against your neighbor._'

Whenever it makes profit for you and Cult, do it.

Except against Kel, he´ll notice. And get angry. (Frost bites, mate)

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TEN: '_You shall not covet your neighbor's ziggurat; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male zombie- servant, nor his female banshee-servant, nor his ghoul, nor his sceleton, nor anything that is your neighbor's._'

Again, we don´t care. If you keep your filthy hands off Kel´s stuff, we´re just fine.

Basically you can covet anything, but you can only take certain things (rule 8)

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Author´s talk: Flaming is bad (and pointless when dealing with a lich), reviews are nice.


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